Post by Arabella Hart on Dec 1, 2011 14:15:28 GMT -5
Entry 265
Finally decided to leave my room today. I hate spending Christmases traveling. Snuck up to the bridge because I wanted to wave Bettie. But sitting there I realized I just couldn’t. I couldn’t risk being left alone again on Christmas Day.
Wandering through the halls I observed the crew as a family and the other little families interacting. Being the only passengers there’s no one for me to really celebrate with. I wish John was still here; he’d make it more cheerful. Finally I settled in to make everyone some food-a good meal with some meat I had saved special for today and all the fixings. It was bittersweet because I used to sneak away and help Bettie cook. And when I was little my favorite thing was to watch my mother cook while my poppa sat relaxed for that one day each year. It just made my heart hurt. It made me almost thing of going back to Londinium. Back to Bettie and Alec and the others who actually cared for me. But I can’t go back to my grandmother’s......I just can’t.
It did get better though. Kaylee came in and helped me out. It was nice and very enjoyable. She’s always sweet whenever around. She reminds me a lot of Bettie actually. Dinner went by and was one filled with laughter and stories. There were times I still felt like I was out of place but I’m not really a part of the crew. Maybe someday I could be but right now I’m not and it’s alright with me. I can’t hang my hopes on someplace like this where their dynamic is already set.
After everything was said and done, I crawled back into my bed. I couldn’t help but grab my photos and captures from when I was home. Looking at photos of Bettie I just felt the need to be in her arms. I can’t wait until I can update her on everything that’s been going on. Then I looked at the photos I had tucked away of me and Alec. I forgot how happy I had been with him, even with everything that led to us separating. I knew I had to put those away before it got too hard. That’s when I noticed the things left in my room. Haven’s brother gave me the rest of her books along with a makeshift card. There were a couple other cards from Inara and River and then Kaylee and Simon. This had to be one of the best Christmas’ I’ve had since being off Londinium.
